When we decided to move to the UK we were excited. Nothing could get in the way of any feeling other than pure adrenaline. There was so much to do and we hadn’t given ourselves much time to do it. Now that we’ve moved and have been in the UK for almost a year there are some things about moving abroad that they don’t tell you…
If you don’t know our backstory, read this post about how it started. If you have, keep reading for moving abroad and what they don’t tell you…
1. Even though you may move abroad with a partner you can still feel lonely.
When we arrived here we knew no one. There was one person we had met through the letting process of our flat. Even then, we had only met Jack virtually. We also didn’t have jobs lined up so we wouldn’t have coworkers to meet right away either.
Meeting new people as an adult can be challenging.
We rented a one-bed flat in a building with 200 other tenants so that was one thing to our advantage but it still took time. When you leave everyone and everything that you’ve ever known, the unknown is naturally scary. Tack on that you don’t really have anyone other than your partner… extra scary.
It really made us focus on ourselves and what we, and only we, were doing. What we wanted, how we wanted our lives to look. This was great because it is one of the most important things we could do for ourselves in our life, but we all need companions and friends, and people to share our lives with.
Don’t get discouraged. It will take time.
We now have a great group of friends and are meeting new people every day. It takes us outside our comfort zone, but that is a good thing. It really makes us appreciate the people that we have in our lives and the people we CHOOSE to have in our life. This is something that is not often talked about and is why it made the list for moving abroad and what they don’t tell you.
2. You can get homesick at any point…
It took me about two weeks to feel homesick. I felt a bit disoriented and dazed at the start. We were out and about every day getting things we needed to outfit our flat (utensils, plates and cups, bath mat, rubbish bin, a fan, etc). Once we had everything sorted for our day-to-day living and had more time to sit around and have our move really sink in, I felt homesick.
Everything was new and I was a long way from home.
I feel less “homesick” now that we’ve been here for almost a year. I would say I had that feeling pretty consistently until my Mum came to visit about 5 months in. To have my Mum be in my flat, in my new city, made it feel like Sheffield was home. I realized that it wasn’t really the city that I was missing, or where I’m “from”, but the people in my life that were still there. I still feel homesick here and there but not as often and I’m able to turn that feeling around quicker. I can still see them, and they are still in my life, even if my home is now 5,000+ km away.
Keep in mind this is how I felt. Not everyone feels homesick when they move away. This may be one of the more common things you hear about when you talk to people who have moved abroad but remember that your feelings will be unique to you. They are never wrong but you MUST process them, do not ignore them.
3. It’s easy to feel like an outsider…
We moved to an English-speaking country, so that was an advantage, but still didn’t feel like I “fit” in. I felt like I looked different, and everyone knew I was different as soon as I started talking.
The most prime example of this is during the first couple of weeks in the UK when we entered a pub or a shop, they would ask us “you alright?!”. We thought… “oh my goodness do I not look alright?”, “am I not supposed to be here?”, “do they know I’ve never been here before?”.
A month later we asked one of our newly made friends and they told us it was just the way they greet people in the North. It means, “Hi, how are you?!”. We were relieved and laughed about it for months. Even to this day when I think about how it made me feel I still laugh and feel a bit daft.
Everywhere in the world, even in English-speaking countries, there are different sayings and greetings, meanings for words, etc (apparently eggplant is actually called aubergine here!). It’s all-new, and you will learn in time.
This is definitely one of the things about moving abroad they don’t tell you, but embrace it. Embrace that feeling. No one is judging you. Even now, we have to ask our friends what things mean on a regular basis, you will also say things and they don’t know what you mean.
4. You may lose touch with some of your friends back home…
And that’s okay. It’s natural when there is a large physical distance between you and another person. It doesn’t always happen and some friendships actually get even stronger with the distance, but it can be a tough road.
This doesn’t mean you’re not still friends. I think that is a common misconception.
You have to make an effort in this situation. Relying on the people back home to reach out to you isn’t going to get you the outcome you want. You are the one that moved away, everyone else is still living their lives and have their own things going on. If you want those relationships to continue you must make an effort yourself. It does go both ways but it must be started with you.
We are so lucky to be living in the time that we are with modern technology. Facetime, Instagram, and Facebook. All these avenues of connection are easy to use and a great way to stay in touch.
This is definitely something about moving abroad that they don’t tell you…
5. You’re going to miss out on big milestones back home…
This was a really tough one and I know it will continue to be a tough one. Within a couple of months of moving my sister had her wedding party, it was my Dad’s birthday, and my Grandmother moved into a retirement home. Many tears from missing these milestones were shed. I even looked into flying back just for a couple of days on multiple occasions (unfortunately it’s ridiculously expensive).
Trevor and I had many chats about this feeling and it basically boils down to; that it’s another natural feeling and there is no way of avoiding it.
Yes, it was my decision to move away but that doesn’t make missing things easier.
Sometimes face-timing, when all of my family is sitting at a table together, is hard. It actually can make things worse, but I try to cherish every moment even from afar.
6. You may get lost.. a lot…
This one didn’t really bother me as much. We didn’t have a car for the first 8 months so we walked everywhere. It’s quite hard to get lost nowadays with Google Maps, especially when walking. However, it does limit where you can go without taking a bus, a train, or an Uber.
The thing that frustrated me, was that I didn’t know where anything was. It’s easy when you live in the same city for a long time to just get up and go. You know exactly where you’re going and where to get what you need. Figuring out where is the place best to get groceries, things you need from the pharmacy, etc, can be overwhelming.
Luckily, we were sort of prepared. We did pick our flat based on the proximity to the city center. Sheffield city center has almost everything we need. But make sure you do your research to help with this feeling of being lost. This is something that they don’t tell you when moving abroad…
7. Things that were once second nature can be very different…
Making a doctor’s appointment, going to the vet with your pets, going to the supermarket, ordering a drink at the bar (*oh* I mean pub)… We take for granted the simple things that we know the process for, then suddenly we don’t. You can do your research ahead of time for this though.
Take deep breaths and just go with the flow.
You will figure it out as you go. Be patient.
After almost a year here, I love my life. I love my new city and my new country. I love that travelling wherever we want is easily accessible and much more affordable. But, I miss my family and friends and that’s OK! It’s natural, normal, and kind of part of the deal.
If you’re struggling to live abroad, know that you’re not alone and these things take time. Look for ex-pat groups on Facebook and google. Many large cities have huge ex-pat communities that give you the opportunity to meet up at events. Here is one for Ex-pats in the United Kingdom.
At the end of the day, you have the choice of how you live your life. Do things you want to do, and prioritize what is important to you. So, go out there and live it to the fullest.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article on moving abroad and what they don’t tell you… Remember, not everyone will have the same experience or feel the same way that I have.
Whether it’s you moving abroad or a family member or friend, be supportive and patient with your feelings. Not everyone is going to have this incredible opportunity.
Did you move abroad and have similar feelings, or were they completely different?
I would love to connect with you! Leave a comment below!
Love this, and love youuuuu!!
We’ll said. I know that even though Karen has lived in Canada 9.5 years, a lot of these things still ring true for her, especially missing the milestones and the people who are important in her life. Christmas is always one of the most difficult times of year for her because she knows all of her family is together and it’s just her and her kids missing. Xx
Thank you for sharing that with us Erin and thank you for your kind words. It’s a tough topic sometimes so I’m glad it was relatable to your wife’s experience.
I love you. That is all. That is enough.
Love and miss you both <3